you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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