HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
