Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
