It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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