You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
