I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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