Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
