hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
