I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
