Already got asked if we're dating
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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