I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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