I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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