Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
