If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
