I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Let's paint friendship bongs
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
