Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
