We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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