using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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