I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
