the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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