yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
