Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
