Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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