either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
