help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
