and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize