haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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