is your mom at the bar?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
