Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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