There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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