PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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