let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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