what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
