I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
