Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
