You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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