You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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