what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
