I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I want is dick and wine.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
