I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I love you. Go after that dick
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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