Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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