he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
