I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
