Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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