just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
