Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
