i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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