Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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