Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
