ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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