We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
