Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize