Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
