Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
