I wannas sexs uuuuu
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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