So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
