dude i'm inner monologue high
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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