DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Will exercising make me less horny?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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