For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
