He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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