Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize