He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
