My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He felt like a one man threesome
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
