so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
