This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
