shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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