i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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