I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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