This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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