watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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