The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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