hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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