i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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