what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
