i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
