sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
