I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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