Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
