im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
