He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you would pick up someone in the library
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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