just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
