I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
