I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
