At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
