Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
