I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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