i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize