someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
