he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
