Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
