no, he came in my armpit
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize