____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
