I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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