Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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