Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
