You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
