So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
