Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We were destined to go to rehab together
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
