you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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