3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
