Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
