Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize