Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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