Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
