It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
