I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
