even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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