after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
